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Not So Visible Damage

If you have ever been in an automobile accident, you know that there is the visible and the hidden or not so visible damages. The visible damage is easily repaired. The invisible or not so visible damage consists of those areas weakened or slightly bent by the accident. Although they are not easily seen, the…

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133 Handling Shut Outs and Healing Affair Trauma

One of the most frustrating obstacles to affair recovery is being ‘shut out.’ Being shut out blocks communication, it blocks you from connecting with them. Being shut out is also painful. It forces you to keep your own pain while denying you common decency. This 1-2 punch of rejection and blocking makes a formidable barrier.…

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What Are You Teaching Your Cheating Spouse?

Responding to Cheating Cheating is a major problem, whether it is your wife or the husband doing the cheating. How you respond to the cheating behavior in many cases is as major as the cheating itself in terms of impact on the marriage relationship. How you respond to the cheating depends a great deal on…

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130 Separating Good and Bad Advice

When faced with an affair, you encounter volumes of advice. Some you look for, some comes to you like honey attracts flies. Some comes from family, some comes from yourself. So when you have all of this advice, how can you tell the good from the bad? | done, 5 min (RS) For more advice…

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135 Cheater Myths Cause Affair Fog

Cheating requires myths to keep it going. It takes lies to keep a lying lifestyle going. The cheater may use these lies against you, whether to justify their behavior or to pressure you into their world/worldview. Much like vaccines are used to protect you against disease, you need a way to vaccinate yourself against the…

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136 Blended Families And Affairs

Affairs are destructive to marriages, even more so to blended/fractured families. Affairs often re-trigger old hurts and impact old fault lines and cause affair trauma. Fractured/blended families are fragile. Affairs put the fragile family ‘under pressure.’ Blended families present unique challenges when it comes to surviving affairs.On one hand, they have resilience. They have already…

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Moving Past Affair Reminders

In recovering from the affair, you will find often find yourself dealing with reminders of the affair. I use the term ‘ghosts’ in thinking about these reminders, since they often have a power of the cheater and others. Those ghosts also have a way of haunting your thinking even when you do not see them…

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Say Good-Bye to the Affair

One of the first mistakes made by someone wanting to end an affair is not ending it. Although it sounds simple, many people do not take this first step or they take it out of order. Attempting to kill the feelings while the affair remains active is an exercise in frustration. It is akin to…

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Changing Your Attitude

After forgiveness and reframing, the next step in cleaning your head involves changing your attitude. In many ways this step involves taking reframing to a deeper level. When you start reframing, you change your mental or cognitive structures regarding the affair. In other words, you move your mental furniture around. Since attitude involves both your…

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Making Sense of a Whole New World

Waking up to a whole new world The news of your spouse having an affair is often shocking. Like any revelation, it has a way of shaking your world. After the initial shock of them having an affair is over, the next major shock concerns the eye-opening process of acknowledging the affair. Once you have…

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